More on girls

The first time in my life that I considered dating an option was last year. I said, "my whole life, I've said I'm not going to date until it's reasonable to think that we could be married in a few years". At age 19, that began to enter the realm of possibility. Now, I didn't date anyone, but my mentality did begin to change. After being somewhat frustrated in trying to codify what I thought, I finally got it into zeroes and ones in August. That post was reposted here last week, with some notes, especially on the exceptionalism of dating, as I corrected flaws in my behavior, and filled in some holes in the rhetoric behind my policy.

In getting to know another pleasant young lady over the past few weeks, I've naturally applied my policy to the situation, and the situation to my policy. This particular lady is firmly committed to the courtship model, and the reality bears out my prediction in the recent post that a commitment to courtship, despite its flaws, is better for the communal good, since it removes most of the competitive aspect of dating. In this case, that's played out in much lower tension; we can hang out without feeling like somebody in Vegas is resetting the odds with every comment or laugh.

What I've been realizing is that fraternal male-female relationships bear the same potential for depth and personal growth as dating relationships. What I had felt like I was very much missing in my relationships with girls was the ability to use more advanced interpersonal skills. For instance, leading in a relationship. That's a crucial part of marriage, and isn't practiced in most dating relationships, but can and should be. However, it can (and should) be practiced in fraternal relationships as well, where it's appropriate. Obviously at a very different level than in marriage, but guys should get used to taking the initiative, especially in spiritual matters. The fraternal dynamic allows this, where the pre-dating dynamic doesn't. The latter forces shallowness, because depth is supposed to be followed (or preceded) by romance.

Anway, I sound like I have this down. I don't. But after a day or two of wondering whether it was healthy to pursue a brother-sister relationship in any depth, I've been encouraged by Ali and Dubya, and I think (if you couch it in the right terms) that a fraternal relationship of depth "x" is always going to be safer and more mutually beneficial emotionally and physically than a dating relationship of the same depth.