InstantReplay For President

In the spirit of the perpetual campaign, InstantReplay would like to be the first Republican to announce its candidacy for president in 2008. Or senator. Or governor. Or town meeting member. The point is, we have an agenda and we have no intention of hiding it. Here is InstantReplay’s ideal platform in 2008:

1. Constitutional Reform. The first hundred days of an InstantReplay presidency would be devoted to a constitutional reform convention. All U.S. legislators, state governors, and former presidents would be invited. Our agenda is to get amendments that (a) stop pork by forcing each bill to have a specific topic; (b) require the Federal government to balance its budget in all years after 2010; (c) define a fetus as a human being (hey, we can dream); and (d) give reps four-year terms and four-term limits. It would be open to others’ suggested reforms, and it would also pass a resolution encouraging all states to hand redistricting over to a non-partisan commission.
2. Security. IR’s administration would impose tight limits on police powers and appoint a Constitutionality Czar to serve as an internal Inspector General. The focus would be placed on developing human intelligence - agents who are experts in various criminal or terrorist organizations and can infiltrate them. In combating trafficking of drugs and humans, a zero-tolerance policy would be adopted, and we would encourage states to follow suit so that anyone who so much as buys drugs is game for a fine and short jail sentence.
3. Iraq. IR would pull out of Iraq as soon as feasible, and focus in the meantime on developing human intelligence there as well. Americans, whether military or civil administrators, need to understand Arabic language and Iraqi society, especially as this drags on. If civil war became a reality, we would split the country into a federation or consociational democracy; possibly even administered by column of society as was the Ottoman Empire.
4. Israel/Palestine. IR would offer Palestine complete recognition within the 1967 borders in exchange for a twelve-year U.S. mandate. Aid to Israel would be eliminated until all settlements were removed or compensated by land exchanges. The money saved on Israel would be spent on sending a swarm of American experts to build up a sensible infrastructure for business and democracy and slowly transfer sovereignty to Palestinians. The U.S. would be out after twelve year regardless.
5. International cooperation. The U.S. would focus on the theme of ‘equalizing relations’. We would slowly withdraw most troops from South Korea, Japan and Europe. IR would push for an “Ocean of Free Trade” to include Europe, the U.S., Canada, Mexico, Turkey, Israel and such other countries as qualified. We would apply pressure to China, raising it marginally until they are forced to float the Yuan.
6. Cuba. I.R. would make it official (but secret) policy that the trade embargo on Cuba will be lifted automatically as soon as Fidel Castro dies. The goal is to provide “positive destabilization” and to send the country wild with pro-Americanism just at the time that a successor is trying to establish himself.
7. Social Security. We just hope this is fixed before 2008. If not, a host of solutions will be looked at, and a giant overhaul will likely be in order. An age-raise is almost certain. The age for Medicare eligibility would also be raised.
8. Economic Policy. The organizing theme here is “cleaning house.” The government will pursue a variety of unpopular measures aimed at executing the balanced budget. Citizens would be asked to participate in the “economic rebirth” by investing, saving, and living below their means.
9. Taxes. This is a matter of degrees, not of absolutes. With the balanced budget amendment (and an administration committed to balancing it even without an amendment), taxes would be increased. A flat 1% income tax dedicated to paying off the national debt would be introduced and its revenues dedicated toward the debt (and not included in balanced-budged accounting). This would last until debt service decreased to just 1% of the federal budget; it is now 8.5%.
10. Monetary policy. The Fed would be asked to pursue a mildly inflationary monetary policy for four to eight quarters to ease the transfer to a balanced budget and to deflate the national debt. This would have a slightly adverse effect on the economy but is probably necessary to save a currently over-valued dollar. We would send a strong message that a return to a stable dollar is imminent and meet that commitment.
11. Spending cuts. Most government programs would have to be reduced, especially those focused on a special interest group. Farm subsidies, military spending, corporate welfare, human services, and all manner of payouts would decrease. Pork would be anathema, and President InstantReplay would pledge to veto any legislation, no matter how needed, if it included a pork rider. (This could seriously backfire, of course, but it’s worth trying). Costs in the White House and other high-profile offices would be cut as well, as much as a publicity stunt as anything else. Education would be the sacred cow and left as intact as possible.
12. Social issues. As much as IR will campaign on social values, we also understand there is very little a president can do aside from ensuring that no wardrobe malfunctions occur at the inauguration. A social-issues theme might be a “Decency Movement”, using the bully pulpit to draw citizens’ attention to social malaises from homelessness to Desperate Housewives and urge them to act privately.
13. Judicial nominations. Staunch constructionists who believe in the sanctity of human life.

Are there things I missed? I’m sure I’ll add to this platform in the future, but that’s plenty for now. Call it the “Tough Love” campaign.