Yuck

Ugly weather this week... and I'm not understanding myself very well either. It seems the less I have to do the more I can't deal with it... maybe I'm task oriented in the extreme. I've been really odd, by my own estimation, the last while, and today in particular. Not that it was a bad day, but it was one more day of going through the motions, not getting anything of substance done, and trying to find things to do at school to avoid coming home. Last quarter I was wicked busy, but I was happier; despite being at school 8am-8pm on most days of the week and getting very little sleep: I thrived under the pressure.

Well, if I keep it up at this rate for another week, there'll be plenty of pressure! See, the problem is I can't enjoy my own company anymore. I always feel like the research I'm not doing is following me around like a bogie monster, and I can't just let my hair down and really enjoy myself. The only way I can avoid the memory of work undone is if I'm around other people; then the company is usually enough of a distraction to keep me outward focused. I dunno, maybe that means I'm dependent on other people... I think that's often the case with me. They say you can never escape from yourself, but I guess that's my way of trying.

You're probably asking yourself why I just don't buckle down and do the research. Well, I'm going to. At least, that's what I've been saying for the last week, since the research papers were assigned. One of them is a hefty group project, and my group does not include anybody really serious about their work, so this isn't getting done. OK, I need to go to bed; I'm overanalyzing and I have senioritis with probably 2 years left in school. HELP!