VOTE!

Get out there and vote, you pathetic communist loser (unless you've voted already, in which voting again would make you a pathetic communist loser).

They're calling this election too close to call. Why? Instant Replay, the resplendant pundit, tells why:
1. They're scared to call it any other way. Remember the 2000 election? The media knows it won't be forgiven a second consecutive self-oralization of the proverbial foot.
2. Polling info and accuracy is down. In an age of communications, people are hard to reach. I don't know what we'll do...how will we ever find out the will of the people again? Maybe we'll have to have voluntary polling places set up all over the country to replace those outdated phone banks...
3. The elections really are close. Without an obvious national trend, the important thing - control of the Senate is way up in the air. The media is right to do what we're all doing - waiting.

Instant Replay's election-morning picks
The first polls are opening as I write, so this is genuinely uninformed.

Mass. Goober - O'Brien over Romney. Sorry kids, the Foley death will bring out a few more Irish Catholics, and the Gore-got-more folks will come out in large enough numbers to swing the ticket Democratic.
Florida Goober - Bush over McBride. The Bush name is strong enough to ace the competition. Besides, the Democrats won't know how to use the new voting machines OR the old ones.
Maryland Goober - Townsend over Ehrlich. The mudslinging in this campaign will ultimately hurt Ehrlich by keeping the independents he needs at home; instead of being frustrated with government, voters are frustrated with politics -- bad news for the challenger. Of course, the endorsement of the can't-do-wrong Montgomery Police, among others, could help Ehrlich, but don't hold your breath.
Minnesota Senate - Coleman over Mondale. This one's close to call. But I think the Minnesota Republican party, after being upset by Jesse in the gubernatorial a few years back is hungry for a victory and will do what it takes to get to the polls.
New Hampshire Senate - Sununu over Shaheen. I know too many Granite Staters who hate Shaheen to believe she can win. People want to get rid of her face, and if that means voting, then so be it - they will.
North Carolina Senate - Libby Dole over Erskine Bowles. Dole will be remembered by older voters, who will have disproportionate power in a low-turnout election. In this and other states, Republicans will benefit from high Bush ratings; centrists are not going to come out and disapprove of the government.
Dems will take 2 of 3 in Georgia (defending), Colorado (attacking), and Arkansas (attacking), where voters will vindicate First Son Slick Willy by voting the Democratic ticket. By the way, my grandmother got a taped message from Willy last night, in support of D.C. Mayor Tony Williams.

Lock of the Week: Republicans will gain seats in the House.
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