Ninja v. Pirate

Session Start: Fri Oct 17 12:15:09 2003
Mark: if a ninja and a pirate got into a fight, who would win?
Salim Kalabim: me
Mark: are you a ninja or a pirate?
Salim Kalabim: I dunno
Salim Kalabim: what's the rigth answer?
Mark: i dunno
Mark: i'm just curious
Salim Kalabim: oh ok
Mark: see, ninjas are very skilled, but they have honor. a pirate will fight dirty
Salim Kalabim: hmm
Salim Kalabim: but pirates are usually drunk or half starved
Salim Kalabim: or both
Mark: but ninjas are really small
Salim Kalabim: not always
Mark: if it where a fist fight, with no weapons, the pirate would crush the ninja
Mark: well, mostly
Mark: i've never seen a fat ninja
Mark: well, ive never seen a ninja
Salim Kalabim: ok, I'll go buy a ninja, and you go buy a pirate, and we'll put 'em in a pit
Mark: ok
Salim Kalabim: see, I think the pirate would only win with a weapons
Salim Kalabim: guns, specifically
Mark: this is true
Salim Kalabim: swords or hands and a decent ninja can take anyone, no matter what size
Mark: see, ninjas have ninja stars
Salim Kalabim: yeah, but a bullet hurts more
Salim Kalabim: and has more range
Mark: but not very accurate
Mark: and the misfire rate on those things is crazy
Salim Kalabim: very true
Mark: and i think ninjas would be very stealthy. i don't think they would be in a position for a clear shot
Salim Kalabim: wait a sec!
Salim Kalabim: there's actual proof of this!
Mark: what??
Salim Kalabim: the ninja beats the pirate - it must be true because it's in a movie!
Salim Kalabim: "The Princess Bride"
Mark: there was no ninja in princess bride
Salim Kalabim: wutzizname was dressed as a ninja
Salim Kalabim: don't the clothes make the man?
Mark: well, that and the mental attitude
Salim Kalabim: hm
Mark: and training
Salim Kalabim: think about it, though
Mark: i don't thikn he was dressed as a ninja though
Mark: ok
Salim Kalabim: how much influence do naked men have on the world?
Mark: nobody listens to a naked guy
Mark: none
Salim Kalabim: right
Salim Kalabim: well, I'll keep my eyes out for ninja-pirate battles
Mark: ok
Mark: sounds good
Mark: me too
Salim Kalabim: but I've definitely got my money on the ninja for now
Mark: i think i have to stick by the pirate
Mark: pirates have cannons
Salim Kalabim: yeah, but it takes like 5 guys to use one
Salim Kalabim: and this is 1 ninja v. 1 pirate, not 5 on 5
Mark: well, pirates have friends
Mark: see, pirates fight dirty
Salim Kalabim: yeah, you've got me there
Mark: they would gang up on the ninja
Salim Kalabim: you're probably right
Salim Kalabim: no pirate ever fought a fight he wasn't sure he could win
Mark: right
Salim Kalabim: of course, that takes us back to the drunkenness thing
Mark: lol
Mark: so 5 drunken pirates against 1 ninja
Salim Kalabim: hm
Salim Kalabim: I'll bet the ninja dies but takes 3 of the pirates with him
Mark: i think that pirates only get drunk if they are bored
Mark: if they knew the fight was coming they could prepare
Mark: like, drink a cup of stong black coffee
Salim Kalabim: see, I thought they got drunk when they were board, not bored
Mark: heh
Mark: ouch
Salim Kalabim: board... on board, off board, overboard, etc
Mark: yeah... i got it
Mark: wait. i forgot something
Mark: ninjas can fly
Mark: and stick to walls
Salim Kalabim: wait, fly?
Salim Kalabim: jump, yeah, but fly?
Mark: of course!
Mark: like in crouching tiger, hidden dragon
Salim Kalabim: hm
Salim Kalabim: the man has proof
Salim Kalabim: and we know that pirates can't fly
Salim Kalabim: Peter Pan proved that beyond any shadow of a doubt
Mark: yes
Mark: but pirates can have cool attachments like a hook, etc..
Salim Kalabim: yes
Mark: the possiblities are endless
Mark: like a helicopter attachment
Mark: or a minigun
Salim Kalabim: they're definitely off the hook in the appendage category

If a pirate and a ninja fought, who would win? Will we ever know? We have the battle plan, but the battle isn't until November 12. And will a staged battle really prove anything?

Questions that demand an answer.