Conspiracy Theory Generator

Trust the Krauts to come up with this. Hat tip to Doug.

We must urgently go to war against France.
They must immediately and preemptively be attacked!
A true statement prepared by: Salim Furth, Prime Minister

Terrorists are threatening the world, our freedom and values. They are surreptitiously supported by the cabbage farmers of France. We have information, based on our reliable sources, that they are planning disgraceful things such as the revival of the Spice Girls. Moreover, we have well proven facts gathered by British intelligence, making me absolutely certain about their wicked intentions, far beyond any possible doubt. I have spoken to Richard Perle who interrupted a conspiracy meeting last week, re-confirming all this. I can only call upon those work-shy bums and their children out on the streets, to go back to work and to ultimately support us in our fight against terrorism alongside our American friends. We have solid and unquestionable proof of the existence of weapons of mass destruction in the posession of France and terrorist, such as chemical weapons, hidden and ready to be used. I know for sure - and this is a proven and overly and overly proven item of information - that they can be ready and put into action in as little as 22 minutes. I must also say that I am shocked and deeply concerned, that some specific countries are resisting to this urgently necessary war. They are nothing but Bavarian folklorists floating around in BMW's. Most unfortunately, they are followed by the UN nearly altogether, but history will tell all of them that we are right. If we would also give in to their insidiuos proposals, THIS would be an insult to the UN, second to naught! Colin Powell, this outstanding and honest man, will now present all the facts and evidence, so eagerly and honestly collected by British intelligence and the CIA, to the UN. I am so proud that he will also strongly base his speach on the fine material the British secret service has come up with, during the intensive search for facts and evidence in the fight against terrorists and such evil spots on the world map, threatening the free world. This has been indeed a fine piece of intelligence work, producing - and I must repeat - well proven facts. In order to meet the challenges of the future in fighting terrorism, we will substantially upgrade the IT base of the British secret service with double sided carbon paper. Last but by no means least, I want to say 'muchas gracias' to Jose Maria Aznar, my good friend, despite him being a Catholic, for standing on our side in this important and urgently necessary battle, for the sake of freedom and our security.

2/16/04.

Salim Furth, Her Majesty's Prime Minister.