Devil's Advocate

I heard through the rumor mill that Dubya said very wise words at a party last night. The words, as I received them, were: "When you stop looking for/desiring a girlfiend (or future spouse or whatever) that's usually the time God will bless you with one." For the sake of argument, let's agree that the quote is correct and that I'm playing devil's advocate.

I agree with most of the presuppositions implicit in the statement - that God exists and has an active providential role in human affairs, that romantic relationships are intended to lead to marriage, etc. We're also looking at this from a specifically male point of view, both of us having a Y chromosome.

My main problem with Dubya's pithy theological cliche is that it doesn't actually work that way. My parents are the one couple I know who were just minding their own business and suddenly fell in love and got married within a year. For most people - for most guys - it's an active, risky process that must be accompanied by initiative and angst. Desire is a key element of the beginning and advancement of most successful romances (Christian and otherwise), as is intentionality. I understand that the statement relates primarily to the initiation of relationships, but from what I've seen, most successful relationships were initiated by men who were actively, intentionally seeking a desired relationship with a specific girl, and open action was normally preceded by prayerful consideration and preparatory social reconnaisance.

What I certainly agree is that idolatry can seriously get in the way of relationships. God will often force/allow a Christian to deal with an idolatrous view of relationships (i.e. the relationship has become a god to him) before bringing him into a successful romance. There are a number of logical reasons for this, foremost that idolatry puts pressure on a relationship because of unmeetable expectations and the oft-accompanying lack of submission to God in other areas of the relationship.

However, idolatry is not the same thing as desire or intentionality. In fact, as I blogged a few months ago, a current "theology shift" has many Christian leaders encouraging young people to be more intentional in friendships and more active in looking for a spouse. The merits of this approach aside, I think that there is shown here a clear distinction between idolatry and desire/intentionality. Furthermore, while I think God may often delay success in romance for those for whom it is an idol, I think that the evidence shows that He largely allows us to be desirous or intentional without correlated lack of romance or success therein.