Red Sox Dump Everett

Dan Duquette knew loose cannon Carl Everett had to go. He talked about him staying, because coming across as too desperate would have hurt Everett's trade value. Not that he had much value to begin with...

Anyway, we traded him to Texas for a bag of balls... I mean, for pitcher Darren Oliver. Oliver is a lefthander with terrible statistics. He doesn't exactly fit into the "crafty lefty" mold; he's more of a "shoddy lefty". I don't know what they're going to use him as... Fifth starter? I hope not unless he improves. Mop-up man? They're paying him a lot. Trade bait? May the good Lord will it so! Other clubs have pitching so bad that they'll take anyone who thinks "pitchers mound" and not "condom" when they hear the word rubber. The Sox have had very good pitching, though, and we like it that way. This guy won't be popular even if he can win 11 games, as he did with Texas, because we value excellence, not just won-lost record. The truth comes out on Yahoo sports! The real reason the Sox picked up Oliver is his career record against the DamnYankees: 5 - 1.