Suckerpunched

Due to my lacking education I grew up with the mistaken impression that a punch in the stomach could only last a few seconds at most. I was enlightened this morning. My enlightener was Professor Goldman, whose 2.25 hour exam was one of the longest punches in the stomach I ever hope to witness, let alone experience. I guess you could say Goldman is what we complain about not having in universities: he demands that students learn, he can smell b.s. a mile away, he grades with justice and without mercy, and he knows his stuff colder than the russian winter.
Nonetheless, having memorized more than I ever wanted to know about Russian Foreign Policy I know I'm going to get a lower grade than in most classes where I just apply basic I.R. theories and common sense to a few facts and look like I know what I'm talking about. This guy makes you learn, which I suppose is good, but he also doesn't reward your knowledge. And there is NO ROOM whatsoever for creativity. I got a "D" on one section of our major report for de-emphasizing one part of the assignment and choosing a bad title. I wrote it well and mentioned all the parts of the question, but I had too much on part (a) and too little on part (b). So I got a "D" for not reading the question, which I have almost committed to memory I read it so many times!!

Please repeat after me:
I, insert name here, do solemnly swear never as long as I may live to take a class by Professor Goldman, should hell freeze over, pigs fly, and calves dance on ice on Saint Jutemis Day.