New Thinking

I'm scared. Maybe I need to grow up...

When I was young, my Mom bought each successive title in a series of books about kids of various ages, e.g. "Your 7-year-old". She, as well as my father, has always taken her duty as a parent very seriously, which I appreciate, despite our frequent differences. Anyway, I'm scared. That's because the books and stuff she's buying now are on courtship and marriage. And it's not with my little brother in mind....

Anyway, when I was a minor dating was never an issue. I didn't, wouldn't have, and my parents wouldn't have let me. I never wanted to get emotionally involved so long before marriage was a realistic possibility. Since I became 18 (over a year ago), however, I've gradually become slightly open to the idea that I might get into a serious relationship. Incidentally, I felt older when I was 17 and living in Israel with all these older people who were getting married. Now, back in my normal circles, marriage seems more remote than it did 2 years ago! I did go on a date this summer, but it doesn't really count since (a) she asked me out, (b) I didn't know it was going to be a date beforehand, and (c) absolutely nothing came of it.

Anyway, I'll probably revisit this topic with some frequency. But for now, let me say a few words about how my Mom started getting into this, and the direction she's going. I'll save my own opinions on the matter. The catalyst is certainly my age, the fact that I'm a junior in college, and the fact that I spent a lot of time with a female friend this fall. I've always had close female friends - Krispy, Sarah, Sanne, Judith, Lindsey, Lindsay, Ruthie, Kara, Lauren, Melanie, etc - but usually away from home, so my parents never really thought about it. But this fall I hung out a lot with Meredith, who's a friend-of-old-friends and came to school from California. They like Mer, but I think the fact that I'm capable of becoming friends with a girl without their input or whatever sort of scared them. So they're sort of like, "Oh wow, he's getting old, and we want to have a marriage 'policy' in place before it's too late!" Interestingly, I'd been thinking along the same lines, but not with my parents' involvement in mind. I'm not going to make a value judgment on their involvement at this point, but I hadn't been figuring it in.

The first written material I've seen, besides reading the much-behyped book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" (by Joshua Harris) last year, are from a Christian homeschooling publication. The people who produce it are almost Amish and have a "my way or the highway" mentality. Mom says she's rejecting a lot of their philosophy and their arrogance, but gleaning the useful aspects. Basically their model is go about life as normal. When you feel God telling you to marry a certain individual, marry them. It's a little more nuanced then that, with reality checks and stuff, but that's the idea. I'm resisting making a value judgment right now, but for those of you who don't know me, I certainly do believe in - and experience - getting direction from God. However, I'm also keenly aware of my fallability, and would never base a crucial decision on my own hearing. More to come on this, for sure.