Theology shift

This past weekend I attended the excellent New Attitude conference in Louisville, Kentucky. There were about 2,800 other Christian singles (mainly) in attendance, including my sister and tons of people from the Sovereign Grace fellowship of churches.

The subject was relationships, and the emphasis was on our view of God in relationships, hence the title: "Is He Enough?" Remembering the sufficiency of God puts both success and failure in romance in perspective, as the eternal marriage of the Bride to Christ far overshadows all our earthly loves or losses. The main text was Psalm 73; give it a read.

One of the messages was specifically on the defining marriage Biblically. Our culture's confusion on this topic stands in sharp relief to the clarity of scripture. However, while I agreed with everything the Dr. Al Mohler said - including that delaying marriage for those whom God has intended it is wrong, I felt he didn't quite finish the message. I also felt his message was symptomatic of a theological shift, because I've heard the same theme from a number of Christian leaders of late, and it's a very different tune than they played just a few years ago.

When I was younger, the main theme I heard was, "Use your single years to glorify God, and don't spend the whole time you're single trying not to be that way." As a non-dater, that appealed to me and I have definitely spent my recent years pursuing lots of opportunities from God to move towards His vocation for my life. Now, the message has changed to, "There is no Biblical category for enduring singleness except lifelong celibacy, and unless you're called to that, you should be preparing for and seeking marriage." Now, in principle I agree with both messages, and I don't think they are contradictory. Becoming more mature and more godly and better prepared for a career and family are equally good applications of the two messages. What really has changed is not the values or actions; it's the theology. Specifically, I Corinthians 7, long a controversial chapter, seems to have undergone another interpretational iteration. I think The Message paraphrase is particularly helpful in putting the chapter into modern English without losing the original meaning. Normally I wouldn't reprint it here in its entirety, but I will in this case, because if you took the time to read what I say on this issue, you should take the time to read what God says.

1Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? 2Certainly--but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. 3The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality--the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. 4Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 5Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting--but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. 6I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence--only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. 7Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me--a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. 8I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. 9But if they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single. 10And if you are married, stay married. This is the Master's command, not mine. 11If a wife should leave her husband, she must either remain single or else come back and make things right with him. And a husband has no right to get rid of his wife. 12For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages--Christian married to nonChristian--we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. 13If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. 14The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God. 15On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you've got to let him or her go. You don't have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. 16You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God. 17And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don't think I'm being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches. 18Were you Jewish at the time God called you? Don't try to remove the evidence. Were you non-Jewish at the time of your call? Don't become a Jew. 19Being Jewish isn't the point. The really important thing is obeying God's call, following his commands. 20Stay where you were when God called your name. 21Were you a slave? Slavery is no roadblock to obeying and believing. I don't mean you're stuck and can't leave. If you have a chance at freedom, go ahead and take it. 22I'm simply trying to point out that under your new Master you're going to experience a marvelous freedom you would never have dreamed of. On the other hand, if you were free when Christ called you, you'll experience a delightful "enslavement to God" you would never have dreamed of. 23All of you, slave and free both, were once held hostage in a sinful society. Then a huge sum was paid out for your ransom. So please don't, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you. 24Friends, stay where you were called to be. God is there. Hold the high ground with him at your side. 25The Master did not give explicit direction regarding virgins, but as one much experienced in the mercy of the Master and loyal to him all the way, you can trust my counsel. 26Because of the current pressures on us from all sides, I think it would probably be best to stay just as you are. 27Are you married? Stay married. Are you unmarried? Don't get married. 28But there's certainly no sin in getting married, whether you're a virgin or not. All I am saying is that when you marry, you take on additional stress in an already stressful time, and I want to spare you if possible. 29I do want to point out, friends, that time is of the essence. There is no time to waste, so don't complicate your lives unnecessarily. Keep it simple--in marriage, 30grief, joy, whatever. Even in ordinary things--your daily routines of shopping, and so on. 31Deal as sparingly as possible with the things the world thrusts on you. This world as you see it is on its way out. 32I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. 33Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, 34leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. 35I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions. 36If a man has a woman friend to whom he is loyal but never intended to marry, having decided to serve God as a "single," and then changes his mind, deciding he should marry her, he should go ahead and marry. It's no sin; it's not even a "step down" from celibacy, as some say. 37On the other hand, if a man is comfortable in his decision for a single life in service to God and it's entirely his own conviction and not imposed on him by others, he ought to stick with it. 38Marriage is spiritually and morally right and not inferior to singleness in any way, although as I indicated earlier, because of the times we live in, I do have pastoral reasons for encouraging singleness. 39A wife must stay with her husband as long as he lives. If he dies, she is free to marry anyone she chooses. She will, of course, want to marry a believer and have the blessing of the Master 40. By now you know that I think she'll be better off staying single. The Master, in my opinion, thinks so, too.

Paul - and God's - preference is clearly seen. Singleness is a better gift, just as prophecy is better than tongues (c.f. I Corinthians 14). Now, that doesn't mean we should all seek it. As I pondered this yesterday on the flight home, I was convicted of pride. My proud assumption is that if celibacy is better, then I should be one to go after it. It had never really occurred to me that verse 9 might apply to me, even though I'm more romantically inclined and emotional than most of my guy friends. Now, this isn't to say I've come to a conclusion on the matter, but I am trying to make a more humble evaluation of myself.